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EVERYTHING LIST*

BOOKS I'VE READ

GAMES I'VE PLAYED

TV SHOWS I'VE WATCHED

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ALBUMS I'VE LISTENED TO

IN PROGRESS

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Individual Reviews/Thoughts

Permutation City Read on 3/10/26

A Sci-fi novel by Greg Egan

It is 10AM on a Tuesday currently. I just finished Permutation city. Oh my fucking god. Okay. I was recommended this book by my friend, Jersey. Her interest in Sci-fi is very similar to my own and so when she messaged me a month or so ago ranting about how much this book blew her mind I immediately became intrigued.

Permutation City follows a hypothetical future wherein technology has advanced enough to allow digital uploads of human beings to be simulated almost perfectly. These "Copies" are inefficient often ran at a speed multitudes slower than real life and at a very expensive rate. All these parameters mean that, typically, the only people who can escape death to become Copies are the extremely wealthy. The first half of the book follows people who are engrossed in these ideas of eternal life. Opening from the point of view of a Copy who had just woken up.

I'm probably going to be saying this for every book I talk about here; I am not a reader typically, I have honest difficulty getting through a book when it doesn't particularly interest me, unfortunate circumstance, but I don't have the means to mitigate it yet so I just follow it. All that to say, Permutation City was one of the first books to really hook me in a long time. For the past few days I have been obsessively reading this book and updating Jersey with all the little details.

SPOILERS

Paul Durham really fascinates me in a way I can't fully articulate. I keep thinking about how he's described in chapter 19, when Maria looks at him shortly after they successfully implement a simulation of the TVC universe and pitifully has sex with him. It was a really uncomfortable scene for me to read for I had never seen many instances of a character being portrayed like this before.
For the entire first half of the book, Paul Durham's motivations are kept completely secret from the reader. You aren't meant to know what's going on inside this mans head. He was a figure that rounded up strangers for this project of his in some sort of fit of insanity. It felt like Paul was reduced to nothing but a pathetically organic vessel.

He was probably the oldest man she'd ever seen naked; certainly the oldest she'd ever touched. Fifty. He was... loose, rather than flabby; muscle had wasted, rather than turned to fat.

It's weird when in a book that explores concepts so outside of grounded reality narrows it's scope for a moment. So much of the book had been from the perspective of Copies so far, I was so used to the unrealistic descriptions of what is reality to these people. The moments spent in reality felt grotesque because of this. To have this man who created the means for an entirely new universe reduced to, what was said before, nothing but a pathetically organic vessel who struggled through intercourse, it just felt pitiful.
Maria was the one who was hired by Paul in the first place. She was hired to contribute to his simulation and was put into an overall worse position at the end of the story because of it, Maria's life admittedly wasn't going the best before she successfully simulated natural selection and she gained the attention of Paul, but she only became entirely dependent on him because of his choice to contact her, because of his choice to wake her up.
In the latter half of the story, when we begin to follow a Copy of Maria who was suddenly woken up by a Copy of Paul in the successful TVC universe millennia later, in a terrible twist of fate, Paul becomes Maria's only link to the real world. The only thing that could continue to affirm her belief in her memories.
The book ends on Maria and Paul alone during the collapse of Elysium. It ends with her pleading and begging Paul to join her in the next world they create. Despite being the one who had the prospect of eternal life in the first place, he no longer had a desire to live past this point. Paul had to forcibly lobotomize himself to continue having a will to live, Maria

Favorite Section: (creeps me the fuck out)

He said I don't know what you think, but I didn't plan this.'
She laughed. What did he think he'd done? Seduced her? 'Neither did I. All I wanted from you was your money.'
He was silent for a moment, but she could see his eyes and teeth flashing in the dark, and he seemed to be smiling.
He said, 'That's all right. All I wanted from you was your soul.


alchemist rats beg bashful (remixes) Listened to on 2/15/26

An album by glass beach consisting of remixes from the album "the first glass beach album".

Okay, to start I want to say this album, in my opinion, is better then the original album its based off of. I was shown both of these albums by my partner at separate times and alchemist rats clicked with me more. No hate to the first glass beach album but I really can't help enjoy an album when each track is so monumentally different, hey maybe this is why I found myself liking the garages. The first track "jhariah dies and goes to hell" drew me into this album immediately with it's almost Ethan-Geller-like use of ska within the track. I was shown a few tracks by Jhariah due to my enjoyment of this song and I frankly don't enjoy Jhariah alone, they work perfectly in the enviornment of this album though. The rest of the tracks I'm able to find decent enjoyment in due to the uniqueness of each one, the opener takes the spot for first place for me though. Good shit. I wholeheartedly suggest it.


Blush Listened to on 2/13/26

An album by Patricia Taxxon

I don't listen to a lot of older albums of Taxxon's a majority of the time. I feel I am often discouraged from them because of her slighly-less-than-hateful approach to them. I was drawn to this album though because of a review that offhandedly mentioned it "didn't reflect well on [their] psyche" that greatly interested me because I Needed to know what the reviewer meant by this. God he wasn't wrong at all. Blush was released while Patricia was 17 years-old and is full of a type of rage only a 17 year-old would have, which unfortunately appeals to me personally due to my status as a rage-filled-17-year-old. The instrumentals to this album are really fitting for Patricia's monotone vocals, I am a huge fan of the one from "Deborah Cliff" in particular. The material Taxxon covers mainly mentions her gripes with her art and the conditions it was made in. It didn't reflect well on my psyche either.

I'd have to say, a sort of gripe I do have with the album though is the rough edges in it's production. It's evident in the music in this album and many more of her's that she never really sanded them down. I feel this is an issue with the fast production of the albums themselves though, she used to release albums at a rate of once a month at this age. The albums themselves always miss that last bit of polish that makes them "good" instead of "mediocre". Blush still has mediocre bits, as do most albums, but it manages to mostly divorce itself from the roughness. I enjoyed all of these tracks, only finding hatred in the last track, "Post Internet". Check out the album if you can!

PSSST. I MADE A RHYTHM DOCTOR LEVEL WITH THE SONG "WAITRESS" FROM THIS ALBUM CHECK IT OUT.


deep dark trench Listened to on 2/9/26

An album written by christtt

I did not really enjoy this one. I don't know. I was originally drawn to this album because of the Chris-Chan Sonichu album cover and the title that went up alongside it. It feels like an incredibly well put together statement almost? This all fell flat once I listened to the album itself. I am a vaporwave person in theory, I did actually enjoy the vaporwave aspects of this album, but, god. christtt is really bad at sampling. Throughout this entire album I got increasingly more upset at the lack of transformation in these samples. Why was it that every single time a new sample came into the music it completely uprooted the previous melody? I genuinely started dreading the inclusion of samples in this album which is really a shame cause it seemed christtt was trying to include these to make a statement about post 9/11 america or something. I honestly haven't thought much about the themes of this album beyond the mixture of it's cover and it's title. Listen to Punk by Patricia Taxxon it's samples are soooooo much better.


Perfect Tides Played on 1/24/26

A point-and-click adventure game by Meridith Gran

Oh god I really liked this game. I stumbled upon the sequel a few days ago and, judging by the look of it, I really wanted to check it out. Unlike its sequel, Station to Station, Perfect Tides was the first game developed by Meredith and her studio. It's glaringly obvious when you play the game that Gran doesn't have the best grasp on game development yet, she makes up for this in every other aspect of the game though. I thought Perfect Tides was a heartbreakingly realistic portrayal of growing up feeling intrinsically alone. I really feel for Mara throughout this story. I only was pulled out of my deep isolation in recent memory, playing this game about a girl my age going through what I had felt really freeing. It was tons of fun getting to play this with my girlfriend this weekened. I loved this game so much. God the sequel is going to be so good.


How to Blow Up a Pipeline Read on 1/22/26

A book by Andreas Malm (read for a book club)

In all honesty I'm not the type of person to read Non-Fiction. I'd say this is one of the first book's I've read in that genre for awhile. I was only inclined to read this because of a lyric in the song Tail Slates by ethan "Just fight for your right to blow up a pipeline." My Love For Ethan Geller's Primer is Unmatched.
How to Blow Up a Pipeline critiques mainstream climate activism and activism as a whole. This is one of the first NF books in awhile to catch my attention and keep me engaged for its runtime and I believe I can credit that to it's take on protest. I don't want to attempt to summarize it's arguments because I feel I don't have enough of a perspective to do so in a clear enough way, but I wholeheartedly suggest checking out the book itself if you feel inclined. It's good shit. Thanks Ethan Geller Lol.

“it is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees’ better to die blowing up a pipeline than to burn impassively”


What's Tonight To Eternity? Listened to on 1/16/26

An album by Cindy Lee (recommended to me by my friend)

Because of my recently gained motivation to begin listening to music again and fully gaining the means to do so independently, a few months ago I went around asking my friends if they'd be able to recommend their favorite albums for me to listen to. A friend of mine, who I'll just call Z for now, sent me What's Tonight To Eternity? citing that, if she had to choose, this album would represent himself in every aspect. Now this was months ago, I think in November, and I am a procrastinator, and so just today I finally got around to listening to this one in full while doing some project for my history class. In all honesty What's Tonight To Eternity? is something I wouldn't listen to on my own, when I listened to one of the first tracks with Z in November my exact thought was "This album sounds like Cindy Lee sang in the bathroom once and made it their entire personality" no insult to Z at all they thought this was funny. Some tracks in particular almost sound like tracks from the Disco Elysium soundtrack which was kind of a jump scare, ( track 2 "I Want You To Suffer" in particular ) I did enjoy listening to this album because its always fun to hear the songs that make up the people around you. My favorite track has to be the opener, it feels like the most deliberately produced out of the bunch.


The Phony Express Volume 1 Listened to on 1/13/26

An album based comprised of gameshow prizes.

Okay, so in me and my friend's collective persuit to find and listen to as many Ethan Geller songs as possible (because for some reason his music is amazing), my friend, Jersey, discovered this album that went along with this old canceled gameshow of Ethan's. In the gameshow, The Phony Express, contestants apparently answer questions to win a song made after any topic they ask, this gives you hilariously random songs like "Getting Divorced (From A Kardashian) [Yaz' Song]" and "Carter Family Passover (Andrew's Song)". The game was apparently hosted in discord voice chats and (sometimes) uploaded online. This gameshow was unfortunately abandoned after the first volume was (presumably) finished. I say "presumably" because the first volume on Bandcamp is still marked as a preorder and there's been no releases since. Which is honestly a shame because I do really enjoy these songs made about random topics. My favorite tracks are "Phony Express Theme", "Getting Divorced (From A Kardasian) [Yaz' Song]", and "Exit Music (For A Game Show)" <- LOL hi OK Computer.


He Fucked the Girl Out of Me Played on 1/13/26

A game for the Gameboy Color by Taylor McCue

Today I was home sick from school and came upon this game while looking around the web. It struck me terribly to my core. He Fucked the Girl Out of Me is an autobiographical visual novel that follows Taylor McCue's extremely traumatic experience as a sex worker. This game surreally expresses the authors terrifyingly real experience being forced to turn to sex work so she could afford basic needs as a recently out transgender woman. I don't know how to express how much I could unfortunately see myself in this story. I was never in the position that Taylor was in but the ways she describes her deep-seeded guilt for everything she was put through were really comforting to me almost, it's the way she describes the type of guilt that makes you feel trapped, that roots itself deep inside of your mind.
Unrelated to the actual contents of the story, this game was an indie game made for the Gameboy Color in 2023, I was convinced to play it for this reason. While He Fucked the Girl Out of Me doesn't follow the typical "aesthetic" of Gameboy Games, it still uses a beautiful mixture of simple illustrations and real photographs for its art that makes up for it. I'd definitely say this game is worth playing if you feel you are in the right headspace to do so. It was a terribly gut-punching game for me to play.


*Does not actually contain everything, only the books, games, albums, and TV shows I've consumed since 01/11/26
**favorite