2:25PM > There's this quote that popped up in my head while walking to class about 20 minutes ago. When I say quote I don't mean I remember its entirety, just the general image it painted. It was from this Leadhead video where she talked about her experiences with found family, how you cannot just present unconditional love to whomever and eventually expect them to heal and reciprocate said love. How found family doesn't mean you're permanently stuck with these people, you can leave if they hurt you, they are family, yes, but not inherent to yourself, not permanent. I got told to "Just fucking leave already" last night. Maybe it is just unsalvageable. Maybe I'm wasting my time.

2:33PM > By reading this they will believe that yet another one of the lies they tell themselves. They will continue to wallow and dissolve. I am so tired. Just listen to how dumb you sound. I understand the frustration others had when they tried to help me now.

2:36PM > I don't want you to die, ok.

2:42PM > I'd like to think I understand what I say. You're all I think about, but what did I say? I'd like to think you feel the same way as me. I want to know you're as desperate as me. I'd like to think I'm good at speaking my mind.

1:18AM > I have gotten up to many things in recent history. Today was the 2nd night of the play I am a part of. So fun. I dress people. Today I sat and watched from stage right as the show ended. I drove home in dense fog. It was a beautiful night. I'm writing like a 1st grader trying to reach their sentence quota.

8:57AM > I DID IT! Holy shit.
Okay. So, recently a friend of mine introduced me to a file sharing platform that is mostly used to share music. On it I found someone who uploaded the entirety of Brain Dump and figured it would be really funny if I attempted to transfer an episode to my mp3 player, which I know can play videos because I have spent time messing with its menus. On the information page for the player it says the only supported file type is ".MJPEG (160*128)", Okay, that must be easy then! I can figure out how to do so!
No. This player lied to me, the one file type that it states it can support is an explicit lie, after I spent almost an hour trying to convert this mp4 to a stupidly obscure file format, my player kept screaming "format error!" and I was about to quit altogether. Thankfully my mp3 player came with a few built in files to showcase what it was capable of. I could use it as a reference, the one video file already installed on this thing was an ".amv" file, so I figured I could try that too, IT WORKED! I HAVE VIDEOS ON THIS MP3 PLAYER! Shitty, incredibly crunched and stretched videos, but holy shit, I did something.
This paragraph is probably all over the place, I apologize if you're not able to follow, I cannot be bothered to edit this for clarity at this current moment.

9:11AM > Why am I like this.

10:50AM > I have been kicked in the ass yet again by my classwork. My AP art teacher grades extremely strictly and individually for every single standard which has directly caused me to have a C in his class despite overall having decent grades on each standard. Its just that 6 overall "decents" add up to a bad grade. Ugh. Whatever.

10:47PM > Days are better. I am putting clothes on people every day after school, it's more fufilling than I thought. Abbi I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!
ABBIIII I HATE YOUUUUUUU stupid stupid (affectionate)
Currently I am attempting to download What Is Fash Ism? to my shitty mp3 player for the bit. Expect a blog post soon.

9:01AM > I find how I attempt to act cool slash sort of artsy to be really interesting because, for some reason, an inherent part of myself will always thoroughly enjoy things that are physically unable to be seen as "artsy" and "cool". My mind likes to cause me insane amounts of shame.
I find how the likes and dislikes of a person are completely involuntary to be both a really interesting factor and almost terrifying in a sense.

9:16AM > why do i write my sentences like that... wheres that informality bro

1:45PM > My day looked up after I wrote those entries, I'm Happy.

8:55AM > I have now honestly been able to glimpse in to my future. It looks more than bleak, it looks like I will be spending my days alone. I will wake up early in the morning every day, I will struggle to get out of bed. I will leave the house in darkness and go home in the same state. I will sit on my stupid fuckin phone as I silently beg to leave. I feel stupid living like this, I go home and there's nothing left for me to eat. I go to bed without dinner, I wake up with no time for breakfast.
This shit is genuinely degrading.

9:05AM > God raver, Idiot.

9:40AM > It gets better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse then better then worse.

10:50AM > Its going to be a Long Day today. I'm going home a husk. No Support System or whatever.

11:42AM > I feel like this site may be due for a redesign. I created a site for my ENG101 class not to long ago and I feel what I managed to create for that site is heaps better then what is going on for this site currently. Webdesign is so fun to work through, its challenging yet I never manage to get genuinely frustrated when I struggle. Its extremely satisfying to figure out because my creation is immediately tangible. I Love Neocities, thanks Kiwi for helping me understand the basics, I appreciate you.

1:39PM > Weird habits of mine:

• My default greeting is "Good Morning" no matter the time of day.
• Laundry can only be done during the weekends.
• All MM/DD birthdays can be translated to a time of day, mine is 9:18AM/PM. I say happy birthday too much.
• I pace from my bedroom to my laundry room Hundreds of times.
• Music is automatically translated into a Rhythm Doctor level in my head.

10:57AM > Happy halloween. I fear my outfit may be too niche for the people here. Matrix Morty or something.
On an unrelated note, I was on the hell-site yesterday and stumbled across complete storyboards for the first 8 episodes of Rick and Morty. I was up till 1:30AM giggling at these crude drawings of my favorite characters... HEeheheh.

11:00AM > There is something akin to a halloween party happening tonight, instead of wallowing away in my room I will be joining my friends in this event. Will I have fun? I sure as hell hope so. Irregularities.

11:08AM > Life is writing "Life is-" statements followed by commentary on a current event in my life over and over again.
Life is writing "Life is writing 'Life is-' statements followed by commentary on a current event in my life over and over again" over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.
Life is writing "Life is writing 'Life is writing 'Life is-' statements followed by commentary on a current event in my life over and over again' over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell." over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.
Life is writing "Life is writing 'Life is writing 'Life is writing 'Life is-' statements followed by commentary on a current event on my life over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.' over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell' over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell" over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.
Life is writing "Life is writing 'Life is writing 'Life is writing 'Life is writing 'Life is-' statements followed by commentary on a current event in my life over and over again.' over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.' over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.' over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell." over and over again until I create some sort of recursive hell.

9:10AM > I haven't even finished recording voice lines for 2 but I have started conceptualizing episode 3.
I am writing this while I wait for my blood to be drawn. Hi strangers.

10:40AM > FRIENDS AM I REGULAR AGAIN?

I'm A Monster But I'm No Fool
I'm A Monster But I'm No Fool
I'm A Monster But I'm No Fool
Ron Monstera (Fundamentals) I Love You So Much. Don't ever die dear.

9:08PM > Catching up on something I guess. 10 mins till my birthday. Every entry of mine fails to follow a cohesive idea. I think its due to the fact that I write this as it exits my brain. This is both how writing is normally

9:15PM > output, and a topic I have covered previously in the past.

10:54PM > My dog is sleeping in a small fuzzy bed behind me. I am typing this when I should be doing something else.

10:58PM > I got sidetracked. Ugh. Overall progress is being done, I think? I am working constantly but I still feel leagues behind. This isn't meant to be self-deprecating. I think junior year has finally caught up on me.
So many little strings of my life have tangled into one-another, chaos, its just chaos. I move to the left and it only wraps tighter around my ankle.

I have been getting into watching my candles destroy themselves lately dear reader. Little burns dot my hands and arms, I play too close to the fire.
3 candles used to sit in my cabinet unused for years. My mother found matchsticks in her pantry. One covered in lavender seeds, one contains horribly small hints of orange, the other is an amalgam of wax and indistinct flavor. I scrape their walls with pliers only to dump the excess wax back into the cup. Something primal within me enjoys this activity. My previous box of matches has gone missing, it may lie underneath piles of my excess items. Borderline hoarder or something.

9:02AM > Every day is exhausting. I am sick currently. My show is still releasing, I am almost done with the script. I get home every afternoon and just want to sleep. Person keeps pretending.

8:53AM > Firstly, I figured out how to create entries while in school. I bring a flash drive to school every day it allows me to write thursday no matter where I am located, the only limited factor being if I have access to a computer or not. I just created a text document dedicated to my website in particular, I can copy-paste the code once I arrive home.

9:02AM > Secondly, regarding my absence, I don't want this website to be filled with complaints and hatred about myself, that's what it has been currently. I Do Not Feel Okay currently, I naturally want to speak about it. The issue is that every place I do so feels Wrong. I don't want people I barely know Putting up with the details of my issues, so I don't vent to others. I don't want strangers on the internet to read my Forever Preserved website and worry, and so I don't speak on any of my social medias. By extending this to my website I am removing yet another method of support. It is Infuriating that I no longer have stable supports. It's Infuriating that a majority of my thoughts are locked inside of my head.

The funny thing is, I truely don't want people worrying, yet I still vague post here hoping someone will answer. It's like a part of myself is screaming to escape.

9:09AM > I cannot sleep comfortably anymore. Reoccurring dreams just remind me of my faults. I hate dreaming about you <- There It Goes <- Being Vague Again

10:50AM > I have neglected to mention the reason why I needed a work-around for school entries; My school has blocked neocities.org from the school laptops, I cannot visit my profile page and cannot edit any of the site during school.

10:46PM > I need to write. My list is still growing. Brick and Mortar.

10:44PM > There simply isn't enough time for my ambitions. I just want to create. I just want to create. I just want to create.
Do you understand me. My life wouldn't exist without it.

I sit alone at lunch now. Morale is down. I am going to make a bad joke and proceed to drop dead <-- Disco Elysium reference <-- do you get me.

11:59PM > Blah Blah. I'd write more if I had time.

11:35PM > I forgot yesterday, I think I was to caught up in feeling down. School is making a very sudden and uprooting change this year for no discernible reason. I feel my morale will be down all school year. I'm honestly debating skipping more days of school due to this. It's easier for me to work at home anyways.

11:47PM > The amount of eyes on me seem to be a slightly higher number. I wonder if it will ever get to a point where the people reading these entries feel the need to analyze what is said. That Object Show Clout. Or something.

11:06PM > Note to self: stop waiting till the last moment to do these.

Regressing mentally.

11:21PM > I just took my first day off from school this entire year and honestly it didn't feel much different. I still had to drive to school in the morning but instead of going in I just sat awkardly in my car for a few minutes then came home. Immediately falling asleep, I didn't turn off my lights, I didn't change into more comfortable clothing, I just sat there drifting in and out of sleep every few minutes. I would have extremely complicated dreams that contained themselves within a singular minute. I got out of my bed at 1:30PM, I wasted the free day.

11:27PM > A Morty plush I purchased with some of my birthday money arrived at about 5PM today. You don't know how happy I am. Maybe this weekend the site will be updated some more. I am sorry reader.

11:43PM > lol

10:46PM > Every time I chip through the list of items and things I need to complete it feels like I uncover more and more for me to do. I just want to write my show. I'm going to try to put all the thursday progress documents on a flash drive so I can work during school. Maybe this will function.
I have yet to offload images from my camera to here, I'm sorry how broken the site is. I only have the time to update this page currently.

10:50PM > My first instinct is still to use "strong".

11:31PM > About two days ago on my way home I spotted a yard sale sign then proceeded to forget about it in the next moment. I went to that yard sale today once I remembered its existence. This sale was done by multiple old ladies, I haven't interacted with seniors in a good while, I'm honestly suprised they didn't hate me, I guess I pass now. Obtained were two garments (an Old flannel and suit pants), multiple pieces of jewelery (a few necklaces and some teacher themed pins (are pins jewelery?)(I thought it would be nice to give some of my favorite teachers some of them)), and a small (tactical) pouch I decided will now be my pencil case.
My friends, without my knowledge, bet on if I was going to get Rick and Morty stuff from the sale or not, Oh My God.

11:40PM > In 705 of Rick and Morty, Rick Prime says "Buddy, nip this in the bud" and this line in particular has seeped into my mind... I think it's a vocal stim for me now.
On a side note the new Rick voice actor sounds like the needs to cough really bad.
Ian Cardoni please cough...

11:45PM > For some unknown reason I watched two superhero movies today. I don't even like superhero movies.

11:56PM > I've spent the last ten minutes trying to figure out what to write today. I'm sorry readers I don't have any ideas.

11:33PM > My first instinct is still to use "strong".
I started writing the outline/ a draft of thursday episode 2. I still refer to the little outline Sam helped me write (thank you Sam). I think I should prioritize this show more. I have too many commitments to get adequate work done.
The Quote of the Day is: "I know 'Eek-barba-dirkle'? That's a pretty fucked up 'Ooh-la-la." 206 7:23

11:40PM > I don't know why I keep doing this quote thing. I think it's funny sharing the soundbites that plauge my mind. These are all from Fucking Rick and Morty. Get me OUT OF HERE!!!

12:19AM > The Quote of the Day is: "Um, I guess I'm thankful for like, water?" 603 19:53
I'm obsessed with adding music to my Mp3 I am becoming an audiophile.

11:45PM > I fear the future is uncertain. Will I be alive come graduation, I don't even know if it will be self inflicted or not at this point. My hands feel light.
I keep listening to break time
Am I too conscious of what I say or am I the only person there to judge the way I act fully which is why I feel so horrible about myself. Surely other people say the wrong things, surely I am not the only one who ignores issues and inadvertently Screwing myself even more. Surely people must judge themselves as strictly as I.

I fucking Love Rick and Morty... The Quote of the Day is: "Here's one for ya, I'm afraid of watching you die." "I like that theory, Morty. So stop watching." 710 10:40.

11:23PM > I recently switched from using the "strong" to the "b" tag to make Words bold. I'm still used to the old way. Every day in my head I think "strong" and not "b"
I really love my mp3 player. Music everywhere. Woah. My two gripes with it are: Why don't you display album covers And Why do you sort my music alphabetically. Other than that, I like it.

11:26PM > I finished my TRIPWIRE scene and I have a migrane.
I have to deliberately search every time I type out a big word, I'm not that smart LOL.

9:57PM > There are periods of time in which I become hyper aware of myself and how I may be perceived by others.
Putting my head down and hearing every word that is said around me.

10:04PM > I wonder if my fixation is making me delusional, Rick and Morty can not be that good.

11:42PM > I don't usually allow myself any credit, I don't usually let other people do nice things for me, I don't usually do birthdays. It feels selfish to ask others of something, I give all I can to the world when I am able and don't allow grace given back. I had my birthday party today, It feels weird when I am the center of attention. The friends that weren't sick with the beginning-of-year virus all gathered at my place and we made a night of it. They were all extremely invested in Robot Dreams I was suprised that people my age would enjoy that sort of stuff. Cake was eaten, presents were opened, I didn't think people cared. When everything was finished and we had extra time and so I put on Rick and Morty episode because, hey, I should allow myself some grace, I was frozen and vigorously sweating for its entirety. Oh god I like this show way too much.
Goodnight, I now am going to read their letters over and over again.

7:51PM > I wrote a bunch of text about the first episode of my show. Check it out here!

11:15PM > The positive reception to episode one was overwhelming. I am happy with how much people enjoyed it. Maybe its bad to wish this but I hoped more people would see the episode. It's okay though. It's okay. I'm going to start writing a thursday episode one B.T.S. thingy now. WOW.

11:15PM > I am 17 years-old, it was better than I expected, that's easy when the bar is on the floor. I got tons of sweet wishes and some really nice artwork from a friend. It's sweet that people care. I hope you liked my show. When I get the free time I will make a blog post on its production, I really want to shift this site to more blogging.

11:28PM > Short entry: My birthday is tomorrow. I'm turning 17

10:53PM > I don't have much to talk about.
I posted an animation today though. Enjoy.

10:04PM > Baby's first walkout. It was fun. I got to be on the local train for the first time in multiple years it felt truely amazing. I love being with my friends. There was a moment where I stood on the underground train platform as wind blew at us from an unknown origin and it felt like I was living someone else's life. Maybe this memory will play when I die.
Episode 1 is completed and scheduled to upload.

8:19PM > I LOVE making myself busy. I was out all day, I walked so much. God. So much. My feet hurt. I still want to do things. I want to make time bend to my will.
I started a Beth animation that I hope to finish sometime soon.

Here is a list of the things on my plate at this current moment, in order of what I should prioritize

• Write a letter
• TRIPWIRE scene
• Bring your damn production sketchbook to school and work on thursday 3:27 episode 2
• Lunchbox Kids backgrounds
• Update PICS page
• Animate Beth
• Page Headers
• Create a page for each camera of mine
• Give my dog some pets
• Something else I must've forgotten
• Something else I must've forgotten
• Something else I must've forgotten

10:44PM > I saw Don Hertzfeldt's Animation Mixtape today. Oh Wow. Its beautiful.
I have a lot of work to get done but I decided that today would be the day to indulge. I need a break.

11:35PM > I watched the Bob's burgers movie with my Friends... It was a movie to say the least. I like Rick and Morty. I drew Beth in school today and ate a cookie.
Happy early birthday to me.

Jessica... I wanna die with Jessica...

10:23PM > It is released. The teaser. Hopefully people like it. I finished the roughs for a thing.

I want to draw Rick and Morty stuff again... I miss them.

I feel perpetually tired.

10:56PM > ITS NEW! NEW! My friend gave me the final push to change the entire site. I'm very happy with the new look YAY. YAY.

In other news, I got hired to work on TRIPWIRE for a guest scene, wow. I'm excited. It will be fun.

In other other news, teaser tomorrow. The 9/11 release was not intentional. Its just a week before my birthday. Happy early birthday to me.

11:54PM > ugh ugh ugh I am Very Exhausted I keep trying to act interesting here by using perfect grammar and spelling. I can't spell and im a shit writer most of the time.

I wish I could just hug someone and hold them for hours and just lay ontop of them like a blanket I've only done that a singular time in the past and it looks like it will never happen again.

7:46PM > My Bad it feels like the days are blending together. I'm just in the process of showing the finished episode to my friends, they all seem to like it isn't that nice? Happy early Birthday to me. Episode 2 is plaguing my mind now. Will I Ever update the site? I dunnoo....

7:32PM > I forgot to enter something yesterday because school very literally drained all of my stored up energy from the past few months. All I've been able to do is sit in my bed and look at my phone. I need to get work done and I have failed to do so. I hope to edit today, I hope to atleast start something. I went into the city and bought myself a Rick and Morty season 1 dvd today, I'm honestly kind of scared to listen to the directors commentary because I don't want to listen to his voice.

7:43PM > I still really want to update the site I'm not sure what to do.

8:04PM > Make a Guess RAVERFAN! Will the episode be done today dear reader? Will my meticulous editing come to fruition? Let us see! I'm planning on showing the episode to my ex-science teacher (who I love so very dearly) early. Will HE like it? UGH IDK I THINK ITS KINDA BAD?

2nd day of school was today, I got humiliated during a harmless game I'm not too smart. Goodnight.

I drew more Rick and Morty fanart today, it was for the charger episode.

5:01PM > First day of school. It feels just as suffocating as the last. I'm mourning the past, it hurts to look through the halls. How am I meant to endure this place any longer. I wish I had people I was close with. Maybe I just struggle to connect, maybe I'm not likeable but it feels like theres is a wall between me and everyone I talk to. I am involuntarily invisible. The mask shattered in front of my 2nd period teacher when she asked me about Rick and Morty season 8. It was embarrassing.

4:48PM > By mistake, I forgot to add anything here yesterday, sorry. I finished the animation phase of episode one and am in the process of finalizing the rough-cut. This is just in time for my first day of school tomorrow, I'm gonna be a juniorrrrrrr yaaaaaaaay. It feels weird being this old. When I was young, kids my current age were ancient, I don't exactly feel ancient currenly though.

5:37PM > Thinking about baseball Morty... Imagine if the Citadel had baseball teams... There could be a team based off of every member of their family... Only Ricks would watch the games and they'd be extremely critical of the game... IDK my brain is messed up. Why can't I be fixated on animating my show huh...

4:28PM > I went to a music festival in an attempt to go outside. When throwing my things in a bag together I grabbed the faulty camera, its timecode resets at the littlest disturbance and I couldn't bother to fix it this time. All the images from the event are marked with the wrong time I apologize.

I was read by a witch in a small comfortable tent. They were very kind to me. I've never been in a space like that before in my entire life.

11:30PM > I'm slowly working on the thing. I did audio today.

I wish I could spend every waking moment on Rick and Morty but... sigh... I have responsibilities.....

I am going to be so annoying on September 1st.

8:41PM Candles.

11:48PM > I'm going to forget one of these days. I watched Jojo Rabbit with a family friend less than an hour ago. I hope to ACTUALLY edit the site now. Give me a big hug if I actually do it dear reader.

11:33PM > Lol same time as yesterday. I'm drawing Beth as I type this.

10:11PM > I ate some good ice cream today.

11:33PM > I FINISHED SOMETHING! BE PROUD! ALMOST AT POST PRODUCTION!

11:34PM > I cried over Fear No Mort last night I think it's a great episode.

11:35PM > I'm very close to redesigning the site. I think it will happen tonight. Don't quote me on that.

11:35PM > Can I Choke Him Please. Just Let Me Do It L.O.L.

11:36PM > What? Is it always my fault? Is it? Stop making me the ambassador. I don't want to see you because of this.

11:37PM > You Infuriate Me. I hope you know that.

7:53PM > Last night at about 3:50AM I decided to indulge and make a Rick and Morty blog on tumblr, find me if you dare.

7:57PM > I animated a door opening today and then went off to do other things. This show is never coming out. I like Rick and Morty.

11:36PM > I took a nap and now I am slogging around. Let's see if I get work done today.

8:46PM > At this point I'm going to have to hold engaging with my fixation over my head. It's kind of unfortunate. I fear my freedom will be gone the second I am out of high school, is this a normal fear to have? Will I still have time to draw when I'm older or will I be stuck working for little money in a body I hate just waiting to be mauled by the dogs outside?

8:54PM > I think I worry too much about the future. I have just been shown over and over again how the future was being actively taken away that I can't help but think about the state of my own future. As a trans man, will I ever be able to hold a job? Buy a house? See my family?

11:37PM > I am cutting it close today with this entry. Um, I had another one of those working days with my friend, we then decided, "let's work on our personal projects when we are apart! We will get so much done", I didn't. I spent all afternoon making cardboard-cutouts of the Beth's as little kids, I think they're cute :).

11:57PM >

5:41PM > This is the first time in a while I have entered something here not at an ungodly hour of the day. It is exactly one month out from the release date of this show and I'm trying my best to get this shit done in time. Currently I am in the process of editing the ending scene to look all good, the episodes about 60% done as of now, its not looking like the final runtime is going to be very long. I'm not the best at timing my animation. Hopefully people will enjoy this?

5:44PM > I keep projecting parts of my self onto Beth Smith for some ungodly reason.

1:57AM > Today my dog almost ran away, I had just started animating after putting it off for so long when it happend, it kinda feels like the world wants this show to never come out. I did manage to shoot the entire scene only after 4 and a half hours had passed. 74 frames in total, this shows never coming out.

4:05AM > I managed to get around half of a stupidly complicated background finished. I think the pressures getting to me in a way? Hopefully I will have one scene shot by sunday and a scene rewritten by monday. I will try to finish the scene I'm currently working on by the end of next week. I think this should give me about 20 days to do the last scene and finish the entire episode. You have the rights to kill me if I fail <3

3:14AM > I HAD a Entire Message written out today about how writing for this site isn't something I look forward to anymore its upsetting it DELETED IT! Anyways, I met my favorite author of all time today and had to resist the urge to cry my eyes out. Her books changed my life, I'm happy I got to hug her, she's a good hugger.

3:18AM > Earlier this afternoon I watched as a spider the size of a half dollar crawled underneath my bed and failed to catch it in time. I now will live in fear. Goodnight.

4:00AM > sorry

1:35AM > I'm so sorry, I forgot to enter anything yesterday. I was caught up in some activity and fell asleep before adding anything to the site. On a GOOD note though, I'm writing this directly after setting the thursday 3:27 episode to premiere, so yay, look forward to 9/11 guys! The date is unintentional I swear.

8:44PM >

1. I lost 7 teeth in the year of 2024
2. I have never tried shrimp
3. I have given Jesus a high five
4. I am a recovering nail-biter
5. I have 10 functioning digits
6. I frequently enjoy eating cold hard-boiled eggs
7. My birthday is within the next 365 days
8. You have probably blinked once or twice in your lifetime
9. Your age is divisible by 1
10. My age is divisible by 1
11. You have likely encountered a multiple of three in your lifetime
12. 9x3=27
13. You have been born in the past
14. The device you're using to read this is emitting light at this current moment
15. I am somewhat-but-not-entirely allergic to bananas
16. You are done reading this list

2:49AM > I'm running out of steam. Goodnight.

9:44PM > I did a lot less than what I said I would do. The brain doesn't enjoy working for this long. I like tiny squares.

1:46AM > Today was Heavy Weather day. I finished animating my scene for that episode then proceeded to spend the rest of the day doing nothing. My new camera supplies are arriving tomorrow so I'm planning on making a day with it plus getting progress done on a Thursday 3:27 scene.

1:55AM > I drew Morty today though, that's kinda neat.

12:48AM > Every day I force myself to write these entries before I go to bed. I cut out all of the frames for the ending scene and I need to wait until I have the credits written to film any of it. I started Restaurant At The End Of The Universe today but didn't get very far because the enviornment I was in was too loud. My kneecap hurts. Something about Rick and Morty

12:53AM > For the record I have a really dumb doodle I made of the Smith family that has been accompanying me for the duration of the animation phase of thursday 3:27. It makes me giggle and kick my feet really stupidly I hate this show so much.

1:07AM >

1:55AM > Compromise, comprimise, over and over. I'm allowing myself to put out a lackluster product rather than a perfect one for perfection is why it has yet to release. This morning a friend came over and I mixed a bucket of slop with him, it was a beautiful thing to watch happen. I invited him to visit soley as a figure that could externally pressure me into working. I finished lining the ending of the episode today because of them. I hope this productive wave can somewhat continue.

11:35PM > It's getting closer and closer to the release date of my show so I am now pulling out everything I can to get this done. I feel like at multiple points of this episode I am having to compromise my vision because of my lack of skill and for efficiencies sake. Drove out to a park and sat in my car while working, it felt serene.

11:55PM > Being home now it feels like I'm incubating until my energy is fully back. I'm exhausted.

12:01PM > Why is it that so many of my sentences exist as simple statements with no segue into eachother. I think this is just how I write when I don't draft or edit it...

1:56AM > I'M HOME I'M FUCKING HOME.

I CAN SLEEP IN MY OWN BED I CAN SLEEP IN MY OWN DAMN BED NOW

okay Yay I'm happy to be home but I kinda wanna talk about the digicams I bought at a flea market last week and how they are going. Because I now have my stuff, I was able to put batteries into one of the cameras and turn it on. The other camera I got isn't as easy to work though, its not a AA battery powered camera, it has a specific brick-looking-battery that needs a speciiiaalll charger... I also just found out that digicams only really take SD cards as a form of storage. Not SDhc cards, which are the only cards I own. I bought the stuff I needed and I hope these cameras will work out soon.

2:10AM > I just added the last images from my trip to the pics page... its bittersweet.

12:20AM > Stuck in a random city until we can get a flight home.. at least I have bethbeth to keep me company.

7:47PM > I'm in airport hell I am So Fucking Tired Get Me Out.

Customs baggage claim took hours. We had to SPRINT to the gate, I Was Shaking And Sweaty. We Missed our flight WHERE IS MY BAG.

Typing This On My Phone Right Now. I didn't put my computer charger in my backpack, it would've been too heavy.

Its almost 2AM Spain time, I have been up for 17 Hours and counting. Bye I dont care if this is riddled with typos my phone sucks to code on.

1:51PM > I am in the midst of experiencing the last full day I will ever see in this country for the near future. I leave on a flight home tomorrow. We have been cramming our tourism into this day specifically. On our walk this morning we could see a flea market in the distance, so, naturally we went to see what they had. So Many Cameras. There were so many I felt like I was dying. I ended up buying two tiny ones, I'm going to showcase them in a post when I get home. they're so beautiful.

9:59PM > Hi, continuation time I guess? I spent the time between yesterday and today watching more Rick and Morty. Not for this no, I am just way to obsessed with this show I don't even know why. Yay. Again, spoilers below.

Episode 6: The Curicksous Case of Bethjamin Button

I think I'm one of the only people to care more about the characters than the actual hijinks they get up to, I don't know if thats a bad thing or not honestly. This episode was really great, but I only liked it for the insight it gave us into Beth's character and the way she acted as a child. I'm sorry I don't have much to say about the other plot this episode, I just don't want to think about those big headed things more than I have to (I thought it was entertaining, but not much else).The opening used the theme song from Cheers! as a backing track, abd showed through the visuals that even though Beth and Space Beth live completely separate lives, they still feel the same disatisfaction with where they are. When the rest of the family leaves on a trip without them, they decide to become kids again, utilizing the Conveniently Placed Age Machine (which, can change your age if you couldn't tell). These two identical Beths then proceed to terrorize everyone around them because, as previously stated in the show, Beth was an insane little girl. I can assume, though that a lot of the anger that Beth had as a kid manifested from the fact that Rick Prime left her and her family only to never come back. The episode ending with the two Beths crying and hugging Rick because they finaly realize that he DIDN'T deserve their anger, he wasn't the one that left them alone all those years ago. Rick was here for them now, not as a perfect person, but here nonetheless. I loved how the writers used these child versions of Beth to voice her concerns through. This was a really sweet episode.

Episode 7: Ricker than Fiction

If I have to be honest, this was my least favorite episode this season. I was not a fan of James Gunn's inclusion and the subsequent commentary on dragged franchises. I know this is a thing that happens a lot in shows, where the writers voice their opinions openly in their work, but it didn't interest me, and it usually doesn't in general. I'm really glad that this episode wasn't as bad as the alphabet one from last season because that had to be one of the lowest lows of the entire show in my opinion (besides the ..... sperm... episode...). I liked Son of Thistle! And Samantha! Thats better than nothing.

Episode 8: Nomortland

Jerry episode! Jerry episode! Get your Jerrys here! This episode brought in a completely new concept to the show and I really enjoyed its inclusion. It asked a question I honestly had never thought about before: "What happens to the Jerrys that are abandoned?" well they go on the road! At the beginning of the episode, Jerry runs into another Jerry who seemed to be intruding on his household, found out to be a traveler passing through this dimension. We get to see the life that was left on the road for these abandoned Jerrys as they travel through not portals, but through dimensional cracks in the walls and holes in the ground. I found it to be really interesting.

Episode 9: Morty Daddy

I feel that since Justin Roiland got fired, the writers have been trying to pick up the broken pieces of the pot that he left in his wake. The past two seasons brought back characters and concepts introduced in the earler seasons and expanded on them, this episode being a prime example of that. Morty Jr, Morty's child from the season 1 episode "Raising Gazorpazorp", contacts his father once again just to gather material for his next book, a sequel to "My Terrible Father", a book about Morty. I don't have much else to say about this episode but as one last thing; I really appreciate how, in the side plot, Rick didn't show any sexual/romantic interest towards the Cogs, It's a first for him.

Episode 10: Hot Rick

This episode continued the trend of bringing back old characters, with it being a sendoff to the character Memory Rick, who was first introduced in the season 5 episode "Rickternal Friendshine of the Spotless Mort". I love Memory Rick's childish demeanour compared to Rick. The plot of this episode started when two seperate events occured, 1: Rick removes the intact last memory of Diane from his brain and 2: Memory Rick is removed from Jerry's brain, hearing about the removal of Diane just before being removed. It then becomes Memory Ricks one goal to get out of this "prison" he was put in and reunite with the memory version if his wife. Memory Rick jumps into the brain of Beth infecting her memories with false ones, grooming her into completing his goal. It's horrifying watching Beth fall deeper into insanity. Mom is trapped in a box in the subbasement. Mom is trapped in a box in the subbasement. Mom is trapped in a box in the subbasement. It becomes all she knows. Once Diane is in Beths mind too, by complete accident, Beth becomes aware of the fact that, no, what she knows to be her life with Memory Rick was a lie. It breaks her. This causes what I now know to be my favorite scene in this entire show so far; Beth, in her insanity, in her desperation, in the wall shes been figuratively cornered in, takes a gun from the holster of Space Beth and points it to her head. Space Beth just stands there, Memory Rick and Diane are moments away from being killed by the fragments of memories that all call themselves Beth. "YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?!?" one of them screams at him, a knife, only inches from his throat. Only then do they see her real father finally there, someone who had been focusing on moving on for the entire episode, is back to realize that he wasn't the only one who had to deal with the loss of Diane. Beth did too. She had no father for the majority of her life, the current one being only a new addition, and a mother who was completely erased. And as Rick hugs his crying mess of a daughter, this man is able to see her in a clearer light. It truely meant so much to me that the show was willing to push a character this far. I've never felt more seen.

12:25AM > Good night my friends.

9:16PM > The finale for Rick and Morty season 8 released today? Yesterday? I don't know I just woke up to it being out this morning, whatever this is superficial information. I really, really, liked this entire season. The ending wrapped it up perfectly. I'm going to get into spoilery stuff now so Stop Reading I Guess if you care about Rick and Morty spoilers out of all things. I think I'm going to go episode by episode, I'm going to remember less from the earlier episodes though since they came out ages ago.

Episode 1: Summer of All Fears

I thought this episode was some of the funniest shit ever, the fact that the entirety of the conflict stemmed from the simple act of a charger being stolen?!?!?!? I loved the decision on the writers part to start this episode in the midst of the "matrix-like" world that was built to punish Morty and Summer because that allowed the episode to focus on the aftermath of being caged in a simulation. I was a huge fan of how Morty's role in this simulation was a direct opposite of that of Summers. One was traumatized from fighting in the charger war and another was the direct cause and commander of it, living in relative peace compared to the other. Other than the premise and the ending of the episode I don't have much else to say about it, though. I wasn't a huge fan of the "sophisticated" Summer plot, it didn't amuse me enough to be remembered more than its after scene (which was funny as hell, the way Summer said "just send a text" and completely dismissed the message she got became a vocal stim for me.). The fact that the entirety of the episode just got mind-blowed for Summer and Morty at the end though? It made the whole episode feel sort of pointless. I understand it was most likely a tough decision on the writers part though because there was no way they could have kept a shell-shocked Morty and a sophisticated Summer for the rest of the series.

Episode 2: Valkyric

1: oh god this entire review is going to be so long.

2: I did not really care about this episode. Talking about it here is going to be no better than the synopsis of the episode itself because, with a gun to my head, I could not tell anything about this episode that is not, "A Classic Rick And Space Beth Adventure!" and "They say 'I'm living in your head rent free' and some other slang word that I Could Not Be Bothered To Remember but has no place in Rick and Morty of all things".

Episode 3: The Rick, The Mort & The Ugly

This episode was a sort of finale to the character that was The Citadel. I did enjoy how it explored the lawlessness of the Ricks and Mortys displaced after the destruction of said Citadel. I found this sendoff to be hopeful in a way, with the bartender Morty alowing all the other Mortys to find a new home for themselves in the wake of homesteader Ricks sacrifice. I really, really, enjoyed it. I'm going to miss the Citadel episodes so much.

Episode 4: The Last Temptation of Jerry

If I had to describe this episode in a singular sentence it would go like this: "The Santa Clause but its about easter and body horror." Jerry kills the Easter Bunny and is then involuntary transformed into this horrifying easter bunny monster who wants to make the whole world breed to death. I don't hate the episode but it wasn't exactly great either. The plot called for a Classic Rick and Morty Adventure, which is always welcome, although I don't have any thoughts on it that aren't completely neutral so I won't touch on it more than this sentence. I found the transformation of Jerry to be genuinely terrifying, the inbetween phase where his lip was bloody and split open made me incredibly squemish I loved it.

Episode 5: Cryo Mort a Rickver

Lovely Pennies, Copper Pennies // Little Window Shopper Pennises // Lincoln-Headed Pennies, Touch Them When I'm All Alone // Eat My Pennies, Kiss My Pennies // Give A Little Miss My Pennies // If you Have A Penny Then I'll Have You For My Own (---(this is supposed to be an arrow, shut up idk how to write one without messing up my code) DO you UNDERSTAND the Grip this song had on me for WEEKS? I FUCKING LOVED THIS EPISODE. I can't talk about it enough. UM the opening of this episode was uploaded last year as a sort of teaser for the entire season and I honestly didn't expect to love this specific episode So Much. I love how they utilize the premise, which was "oh shoot we just woke up an entire ship lets act like we are a part of them now", to its fullest. This episode was very fast paced and failed to waste any runtime. I loved when Rick had to act like a little boy and was given a stupidly large lollipop to lick(that rhymed). I loved the second act where the entire population of the ship scrambled to find the stolen money. And I especially loved that Damn Pennies Song that played during said chase scene, it took over my brain. You don't understand me.

11:21PM > Okay It's late I've been writing this entire thing in a singular sitting, I am going to attempt to communicate the rest of my thoughts tomorrow. Check on me in the future and please cheer if I fuffiled this promise.

1:11PM > I really want to redo the look of this site but I'm unsure of the direction to go. The carpeted floors are rotting.

11:09PM > Oh My God I actually did something really productive today, I got back into working on my show. I hired HPorkle today to guest animate on what I think will be a beautiful scene. I can't wait for this shit to come out it's 11:11 I hope I that I'll finish this beautiful mess of a show.

5:02PM > Today I went out on a paddle board for the first time in years. When I was little I would paddle board on the lake for hours, I'd lay in bed those nights and continue to feel the rocking of the waves even as I fell asleep. I hope that when its my time to go I can be rocked to sleep.

5:51PM > Today has been interesting, I realized that I don't know how to occupy my time anymore. The things that would keep me busy don't hold my attention. I'm pretty much rehashing what I wrote about yesterday UH OHH. Hopefully when I'm home I'll figure out a solution to this problem.

10:39PM > I went on a multi-hour walk and almost ended up in the next city earlier today, it was honestly kind of fun. I took way to many photos to care about adding them to the site right now though.

1:49PM > I do less work everyday. despite what I want, my body refuses to focus, it refuses to sit down, it refuses to work. I hoped I'd get work done this summer but I just keep getting down on myself and forgetting about the work altogether. It's interesting though, some of my friends look up to me for the work I do and praise me for churning out so much, it doesn't feel like that for me though. I think everyone believes they can do better.

2:09PM > I just hope one day I can finally put time into my work, I fear that once I reach adulthood I will never have free time to do what I love, I hope that never is the case.

3:36PM > I honestly am insufferable to be around once you know me well enough. Just take me out already.

2:56PM > As I am on the train back from the Ciutat de les Arts i les Ciències, I can't stop thinking about a singular item I saw on the 3rd floor of the science building. I had stumbled across a "display" (which is a stretch considering it was just a few framed images on a wall with a breif description) about a specific depiction of "martians" (it was a Mars exhibit that decided to go into detail about martians in pop culture) drawn by Henrique Alvim Corrêa. I found that Corrêa's art, which was from the 1906 edition of "War Of The Worlds", to be so beautifully captivating. The little googly-like eyes he'd put on these water-tower-like creatures was just so whimsical I couldn't help but love them. Below are a few images from a public domain collection of his art in "War Of The Worlds" (similar to what I saw today):

4:10PM > Just a little side note, I haven't read War Of The Worlds myself so I have no idea if those creatures are meant to be martians or not, they were just in the martians section is all.

1:37PM > Woke up this morning feeling as if my body had been frozen in an iceberg and was only now thawing. I hope I'm better by tomorrow. I dont enjoy feeling like this.

1:55PM > Added photos from yesterday to my pics page.

11:55AM > I'm in my new temporary home, I feel like I'm suffocating. I woke up this morning barely able to breathe due to the lack of ventilation in this bedroom. Opening the window was not an option, the humid air would be worse. For some reason I keep playing fortnite. I should probably start being productive.

1:34PM > It has come to my attention that I most likely woke up in that state because I am sick. I'm so fucked. I hope the meds kick in soon, sneezing so often is not fun.

11:36PM > AUght hgh i do not feel good, i took photos earlier today i will add them to website tomrorow goodnighththh h.

10:54AM > I made this page because I figured I should keep some sort of 'blog', maybe strangers can deduce how I act through reading these entries. In this moment I am sitting at the desk in my small hotel room, hunched over my stupidly large laptop. Its day two of my trip to Spain, I wish I could pretend to enjoy it more. I'm leaving Madrid later today to take a high-speed train to Valencia. My Spanish isn't good enough for this.

11:33AM > I could really go for some croquetas de jamon rn, the ones you can get at bars here are delicious. I probably should've eaten more food for breakfast this morning, I only had 2 crossiants with strawberry jam and some milk.

2:04PM > Sitting in the train station now, I feel overwhelmed. Through my backpack it felt like my laptop had bent in half during transit, it hadn't. My life flashed before my eyes for nothing.